What We Would Tell Ourselves Looking Back

Yesterday Jay and I celebrated 23 years of marriage. WOW! Jay said it felt like only 10 minutes……under water. Ha. Ha. Over dinner we talked about what an adventure the last 23 years have been. We have been through lows and highs – we both agreed that we have had more highs than lows. If you know my husband, you know that we have had A LOT of laughter and crazy moments. We have been fortunate to have some great mentors who have helped us on our journey.

If we were starting our marriage journey today, here are some things we would tell ourselves:

The differences you see in each other are good. Make sure you focus on making them work for your marriage versus against it.
Hang with people who enjoy being married. Believe it or not there are a bunch of them out there.
Laughter and play really do matter in your relationship.
Faith matters. Being able to pray with and for my husband has been huge. It has softened my hardened heart on more than one occasion and it has opened my eyes to Jay’s heart. Priceless.
Avoid being critical about the little things – cereal boxes left on the counter, stacks of stuff, toilet seat left up, empty toilet paper rolls, cabinet doors left open, gas tank left on empty, etc. In the big scheme of things these pesky little things really don’t matter, but if you focus on them you can make mountains out of molehills.
Being honest and trustworthy are HUGE.
Guard your heart. There are a lot of people out there who don’t care about your marriage or the condition of your heart. Stay away from these people, especially when you are going through rough times. They are not friends of your marriage and will often mislead you.
When you don’t have that “lovin’ feeling” for your spouse, remember the commitment you made and keep putting one foot in front of the other. We all go through rough waters. Sometimes the waters are rough for a short period of time and sometimes it is for an extended period of time. Stay the course.
Take the “D” word out of the equation. Be committed to figuring out how to make it work.
Don’t try to keep up with the Jones’s.
Celebrate your anniversary!

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

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In the midst of all the preparation for FTF’s 15th Anniversary Celebration I have been thinking about the amazing opportunities we have had through the years to touch people’s lives in significant ways. When we started out we had no clue how this initiative was going to go.

Through the years, hundreds of thousands of people have invited us into their lives to help them in their efforts to prepare for marriage, strengthen or even save their marriage, be involved parents, and build healthy relationships. What a privilege.

There are many people who have played a role in the success of FTF – those who have given financially and made it possible for us to offer excellent resources to the community, those who trusted us enough to participate in our classes, the partners who invited us into their school, agency, church, workplace, or home , our board members who have helped us continue to build the vision for FTF and those across the country who have challenged us to share what we have learned to help them start similar initiatives.

THANK YOU SO MUCH for the opportunity to be about something that is so much greater than the small team of people who make up FTF. It has been a gift to be a part of this adventure!

Proud to be an American. Where Were You on September 11th?

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I remember it like it was yesterday. I was sitting in my office when someone came running in saying that something bad was happening in New York. The entire office ran to the television to watch. It was very unnerving. None of us had ever experienced anything like this before. Feeling very helpless, all of us looked at each other wondering what in the world do you do when something like this happens. Some of us were crying. Do we run and grab our children? Do we stay put? People were checking in with their spouse. A group of us prayed for the people in the towers, their families, the first responders and for our nation.

The days following 9/11 people seemed different. Many made their way to New York to help. Others gave blood. People I passed on the street seemed friendlier. Families gathered and appreciated the time they had together. Things were definitely different……for a while and then it seemed like we all went back to our old ways.

When I think about 9/11 it reminds me of what is really important in life and that far too often I take for granted what I have and I am prone to allow things that truly won’t matter in a few months to steal time and energy from me and those whom I love.

Life is short. I hope all of us never forget 9/11. I pray for our country, for the men and women whose lives were lost on this day 11 years ago and for their families who are carrying on. I am truly grateful for the first responders across our nation and for our military who put their lives on the line for my freedom and yours.

I am proud to be an American and I will never forget!

Third Grader Wins $1,000 and Gives it Away!

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This is a great story. One week after Wyatt Erber found out that his next door neighbor was diagnosed with cancer his mom asked him if he would like to enter a scavenger hunt sponsored by a local bank. The prize was $1,000. He enthusiastically said, yes and if he won he wanted to give the money to little Cara to help with medical bills.

How cool is that?! He didn’t want to use the money to buy toys or a wii, he wanted to do something to help somebody else.

Kudos to Wyatt’s parents for teaching him the joy of giving to others.

Here is the entire story for you to read.

What are you teaching your children about giving?

National Association for Relationship and Marriage Education

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This coming Sunday the National Association for Relationship and Marriage Education will kick-off its second annual international conference in Baltimore, Maryland.

The conference will feature industry experts from family, marriage, fatherhood, and youth/child disciplines. Among them will be Dr. Frances Deviney from Annie E. Casey’s Kids Count. Motivational plenary sessions and instructional training on critical topics for program strengthening and sustainability will be held via 22 pre-conference certification trainings. There also will be more than 100 conference workshops. A total of up to 46 Continuing Education Units (CEUs) are available via Robert Cassidy Seminars. Networking opportunities within and across social sectors will extend beyond the conference to include NARME Night at the Orioles Game.

NARME will present three NARME Awards to entities who have worked in various ways to strengthen families:

Kim and Krickitt Carpenter, the true-life inspiration for the box office hit movie, The Vow, will received the NARME Award for Courage for their courage and commitment as a couple, and the impact they are having on marriages across the world by being willing to tell their story on a global scale.

Elizabeth Weil, author of No Cheating, No Dying. I Had a Good Marriage. Then I Made it Better, will receive the NARME Award for Advancement for her work to help educate others about the impact of marriage education.
The Date Night Challenge will receive the NARME Award for Innovation and Collaboration for their work with entities across the nation who are working to strengthen families.
It is not too late to register for the conference. Nonprofit practitioners, clergy, clinicians, and other advocates for strong families can visit www.NARMEconference.com to register and/or find more information on speakers, workshops, and participation.

About NARME: The National Association for Relationship and Marriage Education is designed to foster education for healthy marriages, responsible fathers, and strong families in America. Founded in 2010, the organization currently has 200 members.

What is Your Relational IQ?

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Have you ever had a co-worker that made life absolutely miserable?

Have you been the co-worker that made life miserable for others?

Almost everybody has a war story about a terrible work experience.

Did you know that your ability to get along well with others, manage conflict, problem-solve and make decisions is every bit as important as your intellectual IQ?

In fact, research shows that given the choice of hiring someone with the skills for the job, but no relationship skills and hiring someone with relationship skills but lacking the hard skills for the job, CEOs and HR directors prefer to hire the person with relationships almost every time.

Now, you may be asking WHY???????

The answer is because in most instances they can teach the hard skills for the job, but teaching the relationship skills is much more time consuming and without those skills employees can create lots of problems throughout the workplace.

Think about it. Would you prefer to work in a place where respect is the order of the day or in a place where everybody just shows up to do their job and they don’t care what happens to anybody else?

Here’s the cool thing. When people have healthy relationship skills, those skills are transportable. So all of the skills you learn at the First Things First classes work not only in your home, but at your place of work.

If you have never been to an FTF class, you ought to check them out. It could change the way you live and work!

www.firstthings.org

Keith Urban got it right!

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Yesterday I read an interview with Keith Urban where he made a very important statement:

“We’re very, very tight as a family unit and the children are our life, but I know the order of my love. It’s my wife and then my daughters.”-http://thefatherfactor.blogspot.com

For some this might be a controversial statement, but he is right on. This isn’t just my personal opinion, it is what the research shows. Children feel great security when they see and feel that the relationship between their parents is strong. In many instances after children come along couples put nurturing their marriage behind taking care of their children. The end result - a couple who becomes disconnected and they start questioning why they married each other in the first place.

You have the gift of your children for 18 years give or take a few. Your marriage is for the long haul. If you want your marriage to be strong after the kids are gone, you cannot put it on the back burner while they are growing up.

Another huge point that I think many do not think about is your children are learning how to do marriage well by watching you. Your children are not going to be the center of anybody’s attention all the time and therefore they should not be the center of your attention all the time.

So take a hint from Keith Urban and put your marriage first. Date often, communicate, show appropriate affection, disagree and make up- in front of the kids! Your children will thank you later for teaching them what a healthy marriage looks like and when you get to the empty nest you won’t be looking at each other thinking, “……and I married you because??????”

Moms Rock!

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The other day my friend Christina put this post on Facebook.

“Just FYI, If one more person says to me, well you don’t have a job, I might just light them up”

Anybody who is a mom knows that being a mom IS a full time job!

Diaper changes, toilet cleaner, dishwasher, nurse, chef, house cleaner, teacher, chauffeur, laundry service, shopper, homeroom mom and this is just the tip of the iceberg.

In spite of the fact that I don’t particularly enjoy doing some of these jobs, I wouldn’t trade being a mom for anything.

As Mother’s Day approaches I have been thinking back through the years and remembering when……

Ashley threw sand at the playground and we had to leave. As we were going home a little voice from the backseat said, “Mommy, I love you but I do not like your behavior.”

Ashley got in the car after school and asked me why we had let her fail her tree project and that I needed to head upstairs now to talk with her teacher. (I DID count backwards from 100. I DID NOT go talk with her teacher. I DID accompany her to speak with her teacher.)

Ashley fell off her horse and she brushed herself off and got right back on her horse.

We called the house on our way back from a trip and asked Ashley (12 at the time) what she was doing and she said grilling ribs for dinner.

I said for the gazillionth time, “Ask before you do.”

We proudly watched her walk across the stage and receive her high school diploma.

We drove off after moving her into her college dorm room. Definitely shed a few tears that day.

Time passes so quickly. If there was any golden nugget I could share with younger moms it would be to live in the moment and take it all in because in the blink of an eye your child will be grown. Keep a daily journal. Jot down what happened today. You think you will remember, but there are lots of things you forget over time.

To all the moms out there Happy Mother’s Day! Moms do ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mom Disciplines Daughter on Facebook

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Her 13 year old daughter was acting disrespectful. The mom told her daughter that if she did it again she would be off Facebook and her cell phone for a month. The daughter spoke disrespectfully again to her mother in front of friends so not only did her mom bar her from using Facebook and her cell phone, she put a message on Facebook telling everybody that her daughter was banned from her Facebook page and cell phone and encouraged friends to ask her why.

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What do you think about this?

I LOVE this Story!

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Last week I saw a story on the news about nine year old Caine Monroy who made an arcade game out of boxes at his dad’s mechanic shop. He said that last summer his dad had lots of leftover boxes in his stockroom so he decided to take them and build a game. The arcade has real tokens and real tickets that Caine actually puts through the slot.

I love this! Tons of memories came back from my own childhood and as well as my daughter’s of making forts with refrigerator boxes and card tables or just throwing blankets over chairs. Imaginations ran wild as we pretended to be in a castle or invisible fort on a deserted island.

The fact that a big deal is being made about what Caine did makes me wonder what happened? Why is this missing from the lives of our children today? Is technology stifling our children’s ability to play?

Your thoughts?